Dark and Dry Times
Lily still loves the laundry
room. Her leaves reach out to the windows in the daytime
and she thrives on the water we give her.
are times when she still droops. I will walk by and notice…when
her soil is dry, when she is sitting there, alone.
fault Lily, though. I have those dark and dry times too.
things just don't go right in life. Sometimes it feels like
God is silent. It's like a time of wandering in a dry land.
A time of discouragement.
year or so, I feel like I've been on a rollercoaster of
happy times, and then discouragement. Our biological children
-- who used to be normal, healthy children -- have begun
having serious health problems: weakened muscles, painful
joints, broken bones, heart and breathing problems-and the
list goes on! We've entered into the world of wheelchairs,
braces, crutches, splints, casts, heart monitors and pain.
times it breaks my heart!
biological child, Elijah, is now presenting problems. When
he began complaining of pain in his feet and legs, about
a month ago, my heart sank. He has already been struggling
with problems in his bladder and kidneys, and now this?
Will Elijah be on the same journey as Brooklyn and Jonah?
Next week we will start the process of doctor's appointments
to find out if Elijah, too, has bone disease and tissue
want to be on this journey! I don't want my children to
hurt! It's times like these that have cast me into dryness
to struggle to find joy in the midst of all of this! I've
been a believer since I was 9 years old. I know the drill.
I know that happiness is temporary and joy is what Jesus
provides inside forever. I know the peace He gives. I know
that He is always with me -- I never feel completely abandoned.
He has been there, walking with me, since I was a child.
I wouldn't trade my relationship with God for anything!
Though He slay me, I will serve Him! These trials we are
trudging through will NOT destroy my faith or cause
me to turn away from Him. I love my Heavenly Father!
to honor Him in the midst of these dark and dry times.
I feel too sad to do that. Sometimes I feel like Lily --
sitting in front of the window of His light -- yet droopy
in spirit. Disheartened and heavy hearted.
this makes sense to me from an earthly standpoint. It doesn't
make sense that this only started 2 years ago. It doesn't
make sense that our biological children are all having problems,
but at different ages. It doesn't make sense to me that
my legs are perfectly fine and theirs aren't. I can
run across a field unhindered. They struggle to walk across
every breath I take I've prayed for healing -- complete
healing -- in my children. I know God is able and I
know that He CAN heal my children.
the Scriptures for every instance in the Bible when Jesus
DID heal! Sometimes He healed quickly -- sometimes He healed
with delay -- but He always healed!
my children continue to struggle. I never know what each
day will hold -- will there be pain? Will Brooklyn be able
to breathe? Will Jonah be in his wheelchair all day, pale
I pray for healing, I must accept reality! Friends have
gently chided me for praying for strength through this
painful journey instead of praying for complete deliverance
from this journey.
I want deliverance! Of course I want healing! Of course
I believe that God can do it!
me, for my children, we want God's perfect will and His
perfect healing for us.
ago, a distant family member went through a painful divorce.
She prayed and sought God for reconciliation with her ex-husband
and refused to accept any other option. For years, she told
us all that God had promised her that she and her former
husband would be married again and their relationship completely
restored. At first, she was joyfully certain. Then, as time
went by, she became stubbornly adamant, then…after years
passed…she was dangerously bitter.
she said would happen never did. But God DID restore her!
She is remarried now -- to a wonderful Christian man. She
has a son and a new life. God did give her a new hope and
purpose. But not in the way she thought -- not in the way
she originally insisted.
experience in my loved one taught me a HUGE lesson. God's
restoration and God's healing is not always what we think!
Since we do not have the mind of God -- and since God's
purposes are His own-
My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways
declares the Lord,
"As the heavens are
higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways
and My thoughts than your thoughts."
are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose
his heart, a man plans his course, but the Lord determines
--we may be praying -- thinking
one thing -- while God is answering -- according to His
…but in the meantime, we are
not getting what WE are asking for in prayer, so we determine
that we don't have enough faith, or that God isn't listening,
when really He IS listening AND answering, according to
His will and plan.
And healing is taking place.
You see, while my children
are hurting and limping and weakening physically, they are
really healing spiritually. I don't want them to focus only
on physical healing, and totally miss what miracle God is
I see Jonah being healed from
the self-centeredness of the sinful nature! He has begun
reaching out to those who are sick and hurting. He notices
those in wheelchairs and on braces now and he prays for
them and tries to encourage them. He writes regularly and
searches Scripture for encouragement and God's wisdom. He
even talks to his physical therapists about the strength
that Jesus gives him.
I see Brooklyn struggling painfully
to breathe and function in a normal day, but I also see
my quiet spirited girl reaching out to those around her
and holding prayer meetings at school several times a day
in an effort to point others to the truth of the Gospel
and to true LIFE.
I see 7 year old Elijah now
asking for prayer when he hurts. I see him being more compassionate
to his brother Jonah because he is learning Jonah's pain.
I see Chase -- who perhaps
has the most mild case of the disease -- choosing joy instead
of discouragement because he can no longer do gymnastics.
I see him offering piggy back rides to his little brothers
because he knows they are hurting.
I see my first-born son turning
his heart more toward his family since he knows we are struggling
and hurting. He too is hurting. I am praying that God will
use his pain to change his course.
Yes! I want my children to
be healed of all their sickness and diseases! Yes! I know
God is able!
But I cannot live in the constant
insistence that God heal them in MY WAY.
Through my dark and dry times,
I want to accept what we are struggling with so that I can
see more clearly -- God's way and plan.
I want to honor Him, even when
I feel droopy and sad. Because His way is best! I willingly
"signed up for" His way many years ago when I
was 9. I will embrace it, no matter what comes.
I just love the way Lily perks
up in the laundry room when I give her fresh water. She
no longer feels dry, she reaches again toward the light
in an effort to grow and become what God created her to
be. As I poke through her leaves, I notice she has new beautiful
white blooms forming…
Thank You, Father, for the
dark and dry times. And thank You, Father, for the Living
Water that restores my soul.
© 2012. Faith Matters by Lygia Lovelace. All rights